I seem to be creating a blog...aka a self obsessed rant.

I seem to be creating a blog. I don't know exactly how it happened. I'm fairly certain it won't be particularly interesting. I am basically just attempting to do something productive and creative on this snowy South Philly day...I feel this tremendous insecurity because it feels like I'm officially "writing something." I've been journaling since the tender age of 6, so you'd think i'd be used to the whole "writing something" thing. but no one reads my journals. hopefully. it is most likely that no one will ever read this blog either. fingers crossed!

im 25 (almost 25 and a half!) years old...and i am SO BORED with my life at the moment. luckily, i have faith in myself that i will only let myself reach a certain point of mental and spiritual stagnation. im waitressing to pay my bills right now. its the opposite of fulfilling and stimulating. i also dont make very much money. wow. i just noticed how quickly i did away with the pretention of using capital letters and apostrophes. how ee cummings of me. im pretty sure thats the one im thinking of.

anyway, waitressing is tolerable, at best. it would be far more tolerable if i were actually selling food i ate. im a vegetarian, see. i work at a seafood restaurant. i could easily sell matches at a fire. not kidding. i have the gift of gab. (ive certainly warmed up to this blogging thing rather quickly! within minutes, i went from self consciously berating myself for creating such a self indulgent/self important tirade of nonsense...to imagining that i have thousands of readers for whom i am creating a literary delight.)

before i started selling endangered fish, i was working for greenpeace. a far more noble endeavor, if i do say so myself. however, it became quite trying after thirteen months of begging people to give me their credit card numbers. essentially, i was a street beggar. aka "grassroots fundraiser." i prefer the latter job title.

overall, it was an awesome thirteen months--i felt a sense of purpose, i was surrounded by intelligent people, i was constantly challenged and i had kickass health benefits and a steady paycheck. the past five months have been a little different. i barely read the news, i watch a shit ton of tv on hulu, i havent had an intelligent conversation in months, let alone a good argument. my steady paycheck and my health benefits disappeared with my sense of purpose. self destructive habits have manifested--for instance, ive replaced my morning meditation with a morning episode of lost.

discovering that show was the worst decision i ever could have made for my productivity. even right now, as i attempt to be creative, i have an episode just waiting for me, paused and ready to go. thanks hulu. i have even abandoned the daily show, in favor of this island insanity.

i feel as though i am living this winter out in a self-imposed state of isolation. im isolating myself from myself, essentially. as i sit and watch lost on the couch, i stare longingly at my bookshelf...the dusty volumes of kierkegaard peer back at me, taunting me with their substance. do i pick up the postscript? do i page through fear and trembling? absolutely not! instead, i dutifully plow through season three, absorbed by the trials and tribulations of kate and sawyer. even as i laugh at the corny dialogue, i refuse to abandon the survivors of oceanic flight 816. hopefully i got the flight number wrong. hopefully lost has not seeped that deeply into my subconscious.

last winter, i watched the wire. at least that was fully worthy of my attention. mcnulty and avon barksdale and their unsavory cohorts were truly masterful characters. anyway, hopefully creating this little blog will give me the opportunity to get in touch with my creativity, even in the most minimal way. i already feel a little better. its certainly more fulfilling than a cleverly composed facebook status update. perhaps i'll post something else later.